


all i've got left is rubble and dust (but with you i'll find how to build something new)

by EastOfEll



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: F/F, Hurt/Comfort, alex cries during sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-04
Updated: 2017-01-04
Packaged: 2018-09-14 17:37:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 854
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9196388
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EastOfEll/pseuds/EastOfEll
Summary: ficlet of alex getting really emotional. being gay is hard.





	

**Author's Note:**

> my mind, half asleep, four hours before i need to get up for school: write alex crying during sex  
> me: yes ma'am

the first time it happens, it’s after a date, and alex knows maggie doesn’t need to be a detective to realize alex has been staring at her in her dress all night. the walk from the restaurant to alex’s apartment is three blocks, and it’s cold outside, but alex feels nothing but warm.

 

they go into alex’s bedroom, hands roaming, and alex would have to use two hands to count the amount of times maggie asks  _ are you sure? _ , when alex has never felt more sure in her life. both dresses are peeled off and alex sees maggie in a black bra and deep purple underwear, and she gets the realization of, _oh, this is why they like comparing people to art_. they’re both naked, suddenly, it seems, and alex is touching soft, supple breasts and maggie moans into her mouth, alex feeling its vibrations travel down her throat. it’s like something  _ clicks _ ; she’s has bullets embedded into her skin but nothing has felt as raw and real as the touch of a woman, of  _ this  _ woman, kissing down her chest and navel like she actually means something. alex has always felt broken, unable to feel. people at the deo joke that she's made of ice, and after a while, alex began to agree with them.  _so harsh_ , people would always tell her (her mother, a boyfriend, someone on the street), and alex just figured someone like her wouldn't find someone to put up with her cold.

 

maggie, though, makes alex _hot_ , gives her three ograsms just by eating her out; alex can sense every pore of her skin crawl, every hair on her body rise. a record of  _ it can feel like this? it can feel like this? it can  _ feel  _ like this?  _ plays over and over in her head, around and around, until it’s like she’s spinning.

 

her vision gets blurry and at first she thinks it’s just  _ her  _ when she sees slender fingers wipe away at her eyes.

 

“alex,” maggie says. “you’re crying. was i that bad?”

 

“no,” alex chokes out. “it was nice. it was so  _ nice _ .”

 

“it was? i’m grateful.” says maggie, and although her words are playful, her tone is soft. she slowly crawls up next to alex, so they’re at eye level, dark brown eyes looking into light ones. they stare at each other before maggie knowingly asks, "is there something on your mind?"

 

alex  _ thinks _ , tries to dig up the insecurities buried deep inside her, tries to voice them into words. “i didn’t…” her voice is shaky, and she breathes, in and out, in and out. “i didn’t know. that i could feel.”

 

“sexual attraction?” maggie finishes for her, and alex nods. when alex stares at her, maggie stares back. “and?”

 

“i always thought sex was supposed to be terrible,” alex says, “for women, i guess. it’s always the joke; the wife is never happy. or the woman grows up, never finds anyone, and dies alone. and when… when i’d do it with men, i just kind of accepted it, you know? that i’d either be married and unhappy, or alone and unhappy. and then  _ you  _ came along, and gave me another option, and i… i don’t know, i felt  _ relieved _ . even though i was terrified of being gay, it was something that didn't end in me living the rest of my life feeling like there was a missing part of me.”

 

alex is shaking by the end, and maggie gets impossibly closer, their bodies touching. maggie cups alex’s face, her thumbs stroking along alex’s jawline. “it’s okay,” maggie says, quiet enough to be considered a whisper. “a lot of lesbians feel that way, you know? but you don’t have to find a man. you can be happy, alex. you  _ will  _ be happy.”

 

alex breaks down at the word ‘lesbian’, bowing her head into maggie’s bare sternum, and maggie lets her, hugs alex so tightly she could intertwine her own fingers if she tried, lightly presses her head on top of alex’s and breathes in alex’s ocean water shampoo. maggie feels alex’s tears wet her skin, but all she can do is rub where alex's neck meets her shoulders and awkwardly maneuver the comforter on the bed until it covers a decent portion of the couple.

 

alex makes a wet noise, somewhere between a gasp, a cry, and a laugh. “oh god, maggie, you didn’t even-- i didn’t do anything for  _ you-- _ ”

 

“alex, do you really think that’s what i care about?” maggie threads her fingers through alex’s hair. “this is about you, not me. i’m going to be here for you, okay?”

 

“i know,” alex murmurs, and she snuggles into maggie.

 

“i  _ am _ ,” maggie states, with a sterner tone. “don’t you forget it.”

 

“mmm,” alex assures her. she wraps her arms around maggie’s waist, and they’re silent for the next couple of minutes. alex drifts off, easily, but not before a thought pops into her head. one she promises herself to remember, and tell maggie, in the morning, or when she feels ready.

 

_ i  _ will  _ be happy, and i want to be happy with  _ you.

**Author's Note:**

> contact me thru tumblr (swanmills) or twitter (@psanvers)


End file.
